A year of crashed dreams and lost hopes
a year of neverending fairytales that lead to dark disasters,
a year of everything I never wanted and at the same time needed,
a year of good intentions and missunderstood complains.
The year of night, the year of clarity, the year of cleansing.

That's how I would like to call 2008.
I've been through dark, rough spots in life, but nothing really prepared me for 2008.
This year has been a complete and uther disaster, it was just an accident after another, after another, after another.
I'd never been so lost and scared in my life, NEVER EVER had I felt so desperate and dead inside.
And at the same time, I'd never been so alive and awake.
I feel like it's time for a reborn, like this whole stage of my life has only been to prepare myself for something bigger and better.
Who knows, maybe I'm wrong, but you know what...maybe I'm not wrong.

I've been waiting for a big brake to happen for me, like this big chance to finally get some aknowledgment, and give me a chance to finally shine,
but I'm tired of waiting and trying, I'm tired of waiting for a divine intervention or something that will fall from the sky,
I'll just stop trying and start making things happen. That's how it is.
I know I've said several times that people shouldn't wait for a new year to start making changes in their lives, but this time I feel like I really needed 2008 to end and leave everything that hurts me behind.

Lost friendships, old tastes, bad thoughts, negativity, pointless drama, and in some sort of way, immaturity.
I need to leave all that behind; I need to strip myself from all that, and purge everything that my body and mind has been rejecting.

I could call this a selfdiscovery, but I know exactly who I am, I'm Chris and I'm fucking amazing in so many ways.
Call this egocentrism, call it narcissism, call it whatever you like.
I call this a complete stop of being a fucking idiotic disaster and start believing in myself and my power to make things happen.

2009 is not a year of changes, fights or reflection, its a year of actions; of taking a stand and win battles.
It's the year in which I can be everything I want to be, it's the year I'll start being free and stop complaining.
Yeah this is a year for me, and for me only.
There's no turning back from here, either you join me or get left behind.
This is the year to give MYSELF a fucking brake, and I will...in fact I am.

People I love/admire: